So here it goes. My first post. Honestly, I had a whole other post half written, before I realised it was way too much information for a first post. We don’t need my history right now, and my life is a convoluted mess of everything that I’m genuinely not sure where to begin.
Like everyone else, I’m an individual. There’s so many facets of who I am, and why, and I’m conscious of overwhelming with a first post. But, well, like everything else in my life, I’ll just jump right in.
Sometimes, I’m not always a very nice person. I can be incredibly selfish, and manipulative. I don’t always do, or say the right thing. I don’t always feel like I’m supposed to, or how I think I’m supposed to. My life has brought changes, and challenges, and sometimes, my reaction is to bury my head in the sand, instead of dealing with them. Sometimes, my emotions are off. I over-react. I can be dismissive of over people’s feelings.
I read somewhere once that a writer should never base a character on themselves. Characters need flaws, but most people don’t see their own flaws. This results in a flat, one dimensional, never does any wrong character. I remember thinking, no, that can’t be right. I know my flaws, even if I don’t want to admit them, I know what they are.
Anyway, my flaws are part of what makes me a person.
I’m a mum to two kids, but that doesn’t define me. I’m a very new stepmum type person (I wouldn’t class myself as a stepmum yet, but until someone comes up with a better term for it, this is what I’ve got), but again not my definition. I have a colostomy bag, but it’s not who I am. I have fertility issues, but I’m not a statistic. I’m in love with someone who isn’t divorced yet, but I’m not defined by my relationship.
I’m not just not always a very nice person. Sometimes, I am a very nice person. I admit though, I find my strengths harder to identify than my weaknesses, but we’ll muddle along. I’m supportive. I’m mostly mentally and emotionally strong, and capable. I can give good advice to my friends and family. I’m there when somebody needs me. I’m accepting, tolerant and kind.
My life is complicated, messy, and at times, hard to understand. My history is even more so. I’ve changed over the last few years. I don’t particularly care what people think of me. I’ve no time for people who are just not my kind of people. I’ve become more at peace with myself as a person. Of course, I have days where all this zen type attitude goes off to Barbados for a week in the sun. It might not be Barbados. I don’t know where it goes. I only know that it leaves me, and I become a snappy, irritable brat, who can’t accomplish the most basic of tasks without either shouting at everyone, or eyeing them like they’re little elves who’ve come to destroy everything I’m trying to do. Depending on the day of the week.
Regardless, I feel like I should share my life with you. This is hard for me as I’m an intensely private person, but I think that it’s important for anyone in a similar boat to know, you aren’t alone. There’s other people muddling their way through right beside you.